Marriage isn’t perfect, and although most couples don’t expect infidelity to occur, the hard truth is it actually occurs more often than most people realize. Experts estimate that between 2% to 33% of married couples end due to their wifelovers.
After understanding the meaning behind the affair and deciding what the future holds, couples must decide what their future holds.
For some, it may mean reinventing their deconstructed marriage and for others it may simply mean reinventing themselves and finding the support they need to move forward.
But what happens when the marriage invloves children?
How infidelity affects children
Infidelity affects children differently. Most young children will not be aware of their parents’ infidelities, but they will be able to feel the painful emotions and anger that infidelity triggers in their parents.
Even if older children aren’t explicitly told what’s happening, they may pick up the signs of infidelity or at least understand that they’re feeling hurt or betrayed in some ways.
If the infidelity was resolved amicably between the two parents, the consequences on their children may be minimal, however, if they were not resolved amicably, then having some professional help, attending couples’ therapy is certainly a good idea.
On the one hand, if the arguments about the infidelity last for a long period of time, it is likely that the children will suffer more, especially if they don’t receive help from specialists or any kind of counseling to overcome the negative effects of the situation.
Aspects of infidelity to avoid in front of your children
Going through an infidelity can be one of the hardest things you will ever do in your life, especially if you know your wife’s lover, but it is important that you know the things you should avoid doing or saying in front of your children so as not to negatively impact your child’s life:
- Do not share too many details of the adventure.
- Avoid having loud arguments while your child is around.
- Don’t forget to take care of your child’s needs.
- Let them know that they are not to blame for what happened.
Suggestions of therapists, do’s and don’ts…
Before you get started, keep in mind that the shake-up your partner is likely to give you could be the death of that marriage, but if you want to try again, you’ll have to work hard to make it happen.
This is what professional therapists recommend!
Things they must do:
- Respect their reaction, no matter what it is.
- Reassure your partner that you love them.
- Make room for your partner’s anger and crying.
- They should fully express their feelings.
- Find out the origin of the adventure.
- See a couple’s therapist.
Things they should NOT do:
- Do not try to justify infidelity.
- Don’t ask questions like, “How was the sex”.
- Avoid monitoring your partner’s daily movements.
- Don’t expect everything to go back to the way it was.
Infidelity is not something any of us want to burden our children with, but if it does happen, we must recognize the impact it can have.
Sure it will be a delicate balance, but honesty and compassion in addressing our children’s questions and feelings is the best way forward.